My Eating Disorder Story.

I think I can confidently say that most of the female population if not all in the world have suffered from an eating disorder at one point in their life even if it didn't escalate much to become 'serious' or 'dangerous'. I've gone through an eating disorder and I know someone in my family that did too. And It's all because women are always either too fat or too skinny according to the beauty standards we see on the T.V., in magazines or on the internet Which are extremely and utterly unrealistic might I add.
So, in this blog post I decided to talk about my eating disorder story. I can't really say that I was anorexic because I wasn't but I was definitely on the way to be. It started with me going to the gym and eating healthy because I really wanted to get a flat belly so, after a while of following the instructor's diet advice and not losing any weight I decided to take matters into my own hands and stop eating carbs, I don't really remember if I cut out carbs completely from the start or if I first started with cutting out the 'bad' carbs then carbs all together. I had also downloaded this app that counts your calories and was making it a point to eat less that the recommended calories by the app. At the beginning it worked and I lost some weight but then my progress stopped and I wasn't losing any weight which of course led to me eating less and less calories a day. You see the app I downloaded had this kind of scale to track your calorie intake, This scale's color was blue but it would turn yellow when you're almost finished with your recommended calories and red when you're finished with or over the recommended calories. These color changes were designed as a kind of warning to like help you keep track but I looked to them as rules that I must follow and by that I mean that I made sure that the scale didn't turn yellow because to me that meant that I ate too much which brought my daily calorie intake to about 800 calories and maybe less. I kept eating like this and obsessing about how much I eat and how I can decrease my calorie intake more and more for a while but still I wasn't losing any weight and I didn't get the flat belly I

wanted or looked good. In my head, I was still 'fat' even though I was never really fat even before I lost the weight. Things began getting so much worse mentally I'd hate going out or being invited over to someone's house because I didn't want to have to eat too much. And I remember this one time I was invited over to a friend's house for a meal and I couldn't really not eat there or eat as little as I wanted to so, after we had finished eating, we decided to drive the bikes around the house, my friends were doing it for fun but I was doing to like burn off the food I ate and I remember feeling so bad and feeling really fat because of the food I ate. Anyhow, that same month we had met with my aunt that is a nutritionist and as usual I was avoiding all the food and sticking with eating only so little then I don't really remember how it came up but what I remember was that my aunt told me to look at my arms that were really flabby and I remember telling her that they just needed toning (Which I have been also working on with no avail.) and she told me that it's not about toning and that I'm losing muscle content. I don't know what made me listen to her even though I hadn't been listening to anyone else maybe it was because she's a nutritionist and it's her job or because I was really done of my lifestyle at the time but the important thing is that I listened to her, she told me to eat like however I want till the holidays pass then she'll put me on a program to lose the weight I wanted in the healthy way. And I remember in that holidays week I ate like no tomorrow and I mean I ate everything I could get my hands on but of course I did gain weight but I didn't care much then because I knew I would lose it. Fast forward to a little while after that, I had followed the program my aunt gave me and lost the weight I gained in that week I was binging but still after reaching the weight I was at before the holidays week, I couldn't lose anymore weight to reach the unrealistic weight goal I had put to myself. And after trying for months and changing the program over and over with my aunt, I finally gave up and kinda of just accepted the situation and started maintaining my weight.

Now this is the sequence of things that I remember, there's some other things that I remember going through but I don't really remember their timing or the sequence that they happened in but I'm going to mention them anyway because I think it's really important to.
At some point, I had gone through a phase where I wouldn't eat anything after 6 pm and sometimes 8 pm like I would eat whatever the hell I wanted before that but after I wouldn't eat anything at all or I would eat only proteins I can't really remember and I remember during this phase, I was on a family vacation and my dad had to literally force me to eat after 6 pm. I also went through a phase where i used laxatives to like poop everything out before I weigh myself.
I don't remember how I came out of these weird phases but I do know that I'm so thankful I did. Now I can't really say that I have the healthiest relationship with food but I can definitely say that I've come a long way from were I was and I really want to thank my aunt for that because she kinda of really made me wake up and I don't even think she knows it.
One last thing, To all the girls and women out there, YOU'RE WAY MORE THAN YOUR BODY AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 








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Also, I do not own the rights to pictures used, I just found them on google.